The Logical Explanation Behind A Woman and Her Hair
“At that point I knew I was going to shave my head and start over.”
If you are a Hair Stylist. I’m Sorry.
Have you ever sat down in the spinning chair, cape buttoned closely around your neck and thought, this is going to be perfect? I am 100% confident that I will walk out of here with the hair of my dreams! What would it be like to know that you were going to leave the hair salon looking exactly like the Pinterest model that you searched 3 hours to find? The feeling of peace that must wash over you; I can’t imagine.
“Yes I would like to morph into Dakota Johnson, Thank you very much.”
If you are anything like me, you spend days or maybe weeks (but mostly days because who has the patience to wait that long for something? Its 2021) searching the internet for the perfect hair inspo pic. For me, this all happens within the span of a week or so.
“I think its time for a change. Maybe this is my time to go Blonde. Maybe I should get extensions. Or…what if my natural hair color suits me best? No, I’ve got it. I need to be a red head. PERFECT.”
Proceeds to GOOGLE- Best Hair Salons in my area.
“Hello, would you please schedule me with the Best Stylist you have? Ok, I don't want to wait a month. Is there someone that can get me in on Friday? I have no idea what I want done. Whatever they think suits me best. Uh-huh, Thanks! Cant Wait.”
My appointment is set. I am so excited. Or are these nerves. I cant tell.
In the few days leading up to my appointment the panic sets in. I watch hours of “Going Blonde at home” videos on Youtube. These women make it look like so much fun; until their hair falls out…But that only happens sometimes; I got this. I consider making a trip to Sally Beauty to pick up the supplies and take on this challenge myself. NO. Patience is a virtue.
So I instead decide to bombard my poor husband with countless images of Pinterest models.
Me-“Alright babe. Pick your favorite”
Husband- “I like your hair the way it is right now.”
Me- “ Eww. I look like Hagrid. On a good day. Pick one.”
Husband- “Whatever. I like this one.”
Me- “ Ugh. That is my least favorite one. I can’t believe out of all the options you would pick that one.”
No response from Husband.
On Friday I walk into the salon, ready for my transformation. I haven’t washed my hair in a week so it is slicked back in a ponytail and I’m wearing sweats. After 2020 this is perfectly acceptable attire.
Stylist- “Hi! So nice to meet you. Come on over and have a seat!”
Me- “I am so excited. I have been looking through Pinterest all week and I think I have some good examples of what I want.”
I show her a few different shades of red, 5 different options of Balayage (Which she tells me is pronounced baa luh yaazh) plus a gorgeous Platinum Blonde.
Me- “I like all of these.”
The stylist is quiet for a few seconds and takes a couple of deep breaths.
We decide on a Brunette Balayage to brighten things up a bit. She says it will suit my skin tone and prepare me for summer with some warmth. I’m happy. I walk out of the hair salon, $200 less rich, but feeling like a million bucks. Good news is, I almost look like Dakota with this new Fringe I’m sporting.
Proceeds to text Husband a selfie-
Me- “Better bring home some water, because I’m on FIRE!”
Husband- “ You look beautiful.”
A few months go by and I watch the occasional DIY Platinum Blonde video. Each time I talk myself out of it. “I just want my hair to grow out and be natural and healthy.”
Then one morning I see a gray hair.
“THAT IS IT! I AM GOING BLONDE TO COVER THIS AND I WILL DO IT MYSELF.”
Gets in the car and heads to Sallys Beauty Supply.
To Be Continued..
